The Danger of Just Being Female

The #yesallwomen hashtag has me thinking, which is exactly the point. I'm part of the fortunate minority of women who have never been the victim of sexual assault, but I certainly fear it every day (whenever I'm walking alone at night or in a darkened parking garage or anywhere quiet where I could be cornered and overpowered or even when I let a repairman into my house to fix something when I'm alone). And because I have a young daughter, I fear the possibility of someone attacking her every second of every day. That may sound dramatic or ridiculous, but it's true. I fear it every day, an almost physical pain that seizes me every time she leaves the house. Because it could be anyone. A coach. A teacher. A friend's parent, uncle, grandparent. And, sadly, even a family member. I protect myself by being hyper-vigilant (walking with keys sticking out between my fingers so I can aim for the eyes or throat if attacked, locking the car door the instant I get inside, avoiding men if I'm walking alone, identifying escape routes if confronted suddenly, etc.) but protecting my daughter is tricky. When she was very little, I simply didn't let her out of my sight. Easy peazy. But once school aged, what then? How does a mother educate a daughter to protect herself without tacitly placing the responsibility for future attacks on her and not her male attacker? I don't know that there's a way to do that, not really, not with society informing her that if she gets drunk at a party or shows up wearing a short enough skirt, she's fair game. Not with the 'bros before hos' mentality we have going in conjunction with slut-shaming and prude-bashing. It's a no-win situation, so I teach my daughter how to protect herself at parties, at school, and in life in general though it leaves a nasty taste in my mouth.

And when I say I was never sexually assaulted, that doesn't mean I wasn't almost assaulted. Here's just one example: in high school, I had a cross country coach who started getting a little too handsy with a few girls on the team, me included. I went to my mother and, together with 1 other girl (her parents didn't show up and most of the other girls didn't want to speak out, one even went so far as to try to shame us into not talking, 'what about his family', 'he's not really hurting us', and other such bullshit), we went to talk to the vice principal, who was friends with the coach, it turned out. We told the VP that the coach would continue to hug and touch the girls after we asked him to stop. The VP's response? 'Oh, I hug students all the time.' My mom's response? 'You hug students even after they ask you to stop?' Well, of course he didn't do that, but he still didn't see the issue. My mom wasn't having it and she demanded the VP take action. His idea of action? To tell the girls we couldn't run in just sports bras and shorts anymore, as that was drawing the unwanted attention (not from the other teenage boys on the team, mind you, but from a coach in his 40s). Because it was clearly our fault that some perv coach was putting his hands on us. Well, we made a big enough stink that the coach was forced to leave the team, although he was still good to coach girls basketball in the winter despite those girls making similar accusations. Cut to a few years later, this guy was fired and convicted for raping a handicapped student. Class act. I wonder, was that girl wearing a sports bra when it happened? What exactly did she do to bring on that 'unwanted attention'? This is just one example of the kind of shit that happens every day...and that's in a country where women are treated 'equally'. And I'm supposed to let my kid go to college one day when I barely feel safe walking the streets myself?

The Worst Day of the Year

According to the news, this is the worst day of the year. Not that I needed the media to tell me. Christmas vacation is over, kiddos go back to school, grown folks go back to work, we strip all the holiday fun out of our lives, and it's cold as fuck. I spent the day taking down holiday decorations, hustling Zoey to the vet, taking the car to the mechanic to receive a hefty estimate for future repairs ('future' meaning Wednesday), and running other crappy errands. Got some reading in too, so not a total loss, but no writing. Tomorrow's the day for that, although it's also the day Kiddo's school starts 2 hours late due to record low temperatures (low teens...why?!). Thanks to bone-chilling temperatures, I won't be running at 5. I can do mid-twenties, but teens? Uh, hell no. So, I'll have to run later when it's sunny and 25 degrees at the hottest part of the day. This morning it was 55 degrees and I ran in shorts and a tank top. Tomorrow it will be about 15 with 5 mph winds. WTF?! This makes me loathe the end of Xmas break even more. I just spent a lovely 2 weeks in 70 to 80 degree weather in the tropical wonderland that is Florida. Skirts, shorts, sandals, sunshine, happiness. Now back to reality. Bitter, cold reality.

It is exciting to get back to writing after so many weeks of lazy, nonproductive vacation. I'm still not sure what to work on first. I just know I need to get back to work. My fingers are itching to get some words on the page. Original words, so an editing project is out. Oh, the possibilities. I tried to explain the fiction writing process to Kiddo on our drive home from Florida, how magical it feels, how liberating. You can make up any-fucking-thing you want. How cool is that? She just gave me a strange look and went back to tapping away on her iPod Touch. Whatevs. I know what's cool. Making shit up. And I'll be getting back to it on the morrow.

So Lazy I Forgot to Blog

Things are about to change in the Adams household. As you know, it's just been me and the kiddo since my husband deployed. As soon as he left, we quickly got into our own groove, which is pretty damned strange if you stop to think about it--lots of playful screaming, laughing, loud music, and maniacal repetition of TV and movie quotes. My husband would hate it. Well, now we're going to put up a family friend for a few months while he goes through triple C (captain's career course for you non-military folks). He gets here tomorrow. I feel sorry for him. This house is awash in estrogen. Even the dog is a girl. But it will force us to get back to more normal ways of living (we'll never be completely normal, but who would want that anyway?) before the hubs gets home. That will save him a lot of eye rolling. But it also means I've had to rearrange the spare room and clean the house. Not my idea of weekend fun, but then I'd almost always rather be reading or writing.

Over the last week, I've been editing the story I finished in the fall. I figured it didn't make much sense to jump into another project with Christmas looming and primed to fall in an explosion of green and red. Once I return home from my parents' house after the holidays, I'll get going on a new novel. In the meantime, why not prepare this puppy for submission in case the agent who's reading the full MS I just shopped around doesn't  bite. I think I have a few other agents I need to hear from, but it never hurts to get the next submission ready. That means the dreaded query AND the dreaded synopsis. Double ugh.

Speaking of the holidays, I'm right on track with everything and nearly finished shopping! I sent my husband's stuff out Friday and only have a few more things to buy. Christmas cards are done, the house is fully decorated, and Kiddo and I had our fun Xmas photo shoot (with costumes!). Next week, I'll get to start making cookies. And then I'll get to start eating them. That's the best part of every holiday for me: the eating. And Chex mix. That rocks too. I only make it once a year.

And Stephen King's on Twitter. Like, whoa.

The Bearded Man Cometh

Today is the final day of both November and NaNoWriMo. I'm heading home tomorrow after a nice week spent in FL with my folks and have a crap ton of things to do in the coming week(s). If you sensed a list rapidly approaching on the horizon, then you were correct. Give yourself a hearty clap on the back and then buckle in for a numbered ride.

1. I won't be good for much of anything tomorrow after driving 6.5+ hours to get home, but on Monday I need to put fall decorations away so I can dress the house up in all its Christmas finery. And there's a lot of it. I love the holiday, but GODDAMN is it a ton of work. Luckily, I scoured the house before I came down here, so I'll only have to dust before putting out decorations.
2. Grocery shopping. We have no eggs, no fruit (how will I live!!), no milk (which means no coffee...again, how will I live!!), and no fresh veggies, as I either used them all before we left or brought them with me to FL.
3. Finish Christmas shopping for my husband so I can get his presents in the mail at least two and a half weeks before they need to be there. Three, if I can manage it. I ordered a bunch of stuff online during Thanksgiving and Black Friday and most of it has shipped. He never provides that great of a list, so I'm mostly winging it. Also, he has to carry all this shit back with him or send it back before he returns in February, so it doesn't make much sense to send tons of stuff. Guess that new puppy will have to wait until next year...
4. Get Christmas cards written out and sent. This will be done by the end of the week. I have the cards at home (I got about eight boxes last year at 90% off, so I'm set for a few years). I need stamps. So add a post office run to the list.
5. Shoot our Christmas card photo. I usually do a lovely picture of the kiddo, but we have a better idea for this year. I have a very nice camera I got a few Christmases ago as well as a tripod and remote, so we're going to do something fun that will surprise (and hopefully amuse) our friends and family. I may post it on this blog if it turns out the way we want. But I need to get the appropriate wardrobe items, shoot the picture, and get it printed by the weekend so I can include it in our cards.
6. Oh, right, I'm a writer, I should probably do some non-holiday stuff just to keep things consistent. I need to start editing the novel I finished in the fall, before NaNoWriMo. I'd like to have it ready for submission in the new year if I don't hear anything positive from the agent who requested the full MS and the few who are still ruminating over my last query letter. The novel needs a good final edit, and it's a productive way to spend the three weeks before I motor back down to FL to spend Christmas with my family.
7. Edit the short stories I wrote in October and submit them to literary magazines. I had a lot of fun writing these. Hopefully, I can get some printed. I may even write a few new ones.
8. Make a run to the library. I have three or four books waiting that I'd like to finish before Christmas break.
9. Take Zoey to the vet. She needs her bordetella booster and 6 months of Trifexis. Should be a fun way to spend 300 dollars. Merry Christmas, Zoey!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Given the holiday combined with the warm and fuzzy feeling I get when hanging out with family, I thought, why not do a list of things for which I'm thankful? Here we go:

1. My family. This goes without saying, but I'm saying it anyway. It always makes me happy to have the opportunity to hang out with my folks and my kiddo. Wish the husband was here too, but thanks to the wonders of technology, I've been able to chat with him a little even though he's deployed.
2. My husband. Yes, he's part of my family, but he deserves his own number for several reasons. He's overseas fighting for freedom, bacon, and the American way. And he's also my biggest fan and strongest supporter. He believes in my writing and has suffered through many drafts, disappointments, and long, one-sided conversations about plots, characters, and agent woes. I couldn't have asked for better.
3. My kiddo. Also part of my family, but she deserves her own number too. She's such a great kid (99.9% of the time, haha) that I often wonder just where in hell she came from. Then she gets snarky and I know she came right from me. Love that kiddo and can't imagine my life without her.
4. My awesome friends. We're spread out all over the country, but still hang out online just about every day and get together whenever one of us is close. Writing is a lonely business (so is moving every two years when the Army tells us we have to), so it's always nice to see friends and family.
5. Zoey. Yes, my mastiff, writing buddy, and secret keeper (she's damn good at this last one). Whenever I read whole sections of my WIP out loud, she manages to look super interested and she's quick with a hug. I spend more time with my dog than I do anyone else.
6. The fact that everyone I care about is still here to celebrate Thanksgiving. We had a serious scare last year with my mom that we can all joke about now that it's 355 days safely behind us, but we weren't laughing last year. It really made me appreciate all the moments I spend with the people in my life who mean so much. You never know when your last moments together will be.

 On that slightly morbid note, I'll wish you all a very happy Thanksgiving with family and friends. Enjoy that turkey and pumpkin pie!

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig

Things have happened over the last few days. Interesting things? Debatable, but we're doing a list anyway, so check it:

1. I'm visiting my folks for the week of Thanksgiving. It's always strange to come home as an adult, hanging out in the house in which you were once a child (or teen, in my case; we did some wicked traveling while I was growing up--military brats, holla!), and seeing all the changes in town since the last time I visited. It is nice to be in Florida. So warm; like fall doesn't even exist. I'm rocking skirts again, which I haven't done in several weeks. We'll be here for Christmas too, since the hubs is deployed, so more toasty winter weather. Running should be fun on Monday morning. Bye bye 30 degree temperatures...until we meet again...
2. I finished my novel for NaNoWriMo on the 20th, wrapping up at about 93k. I was able to push through the troublesome denouement by simply letting it come to the tips of my fingers as I chugged along. I have some serious edits to do, of course, but I'm twelve shades of pleased to have written 93 thousand words in twenty days. I love the story I ended up with too; I just need to polish it until it shines like crazy.
3. Remember those query letters I sent out a few months ago? Well, I've received a torrent of rejections (comes with the territory, yes?), but that was to be expected. Not everyone recognizes genius when they see it. Ha! Anyway, to make the 20th even better than it already was (finishing a novel always makes me giddy), I got a response from an agent wanting to read my full manuscript after checking out the first 15 pages. I did a happy dance, then sent that shit. The agent emailed the next day and my stomach dropped. I thought, gee, that was a lightning fast rejection, but she was just letting me know she'd received my materials. Phew. I live to write another day.
4. Today was Kiddo's birthday, so we did all the stuff she wanted to do: sunrise walk on the beach (actually, just my dad did this with her while my mom and I slept--I was wiped from the day before: early morning, driving until 10:30, and staying up until 1:30 decorating with streamers and signs for her bday)(not to mention I drove her to school for a drill meet last Saturday at 3:30 a.m., so, I wanted to sleep in), shopping, lunch, ice cream, hitting thrift stores, naps (these are the best!), and dinner at our fav. Mexican restaurant where the birthday girl/boy eats free. It was a very good day and fun to celebrate my kiddo, though I was the one who did all the work oh those many years ago. I guess I have Mother's Day, but labor was really painful. I demand another day.
5. Started The Shining Girls by Lauren Beukes today. From about page two, I was hooked. Can't wait to see if this feeling lasts throughout the life of the book. I hope so.

Reading, Writing, Rocking Out

Week 2 of NaNoWriMo and I'm sitting pretty at 68,322 words. I have a moderately clear idea about the very end of the novel, but the second to last act, which will contain the resolution (or denouement, for my former AP English Language/Literature peeps) is still a bit of a mystery, so we'll see how that works out as the weekend's writing rolls along. Might need another brainstorming session after reading over my outline and notes. Kiddo has a drill meet tomorrow, which means I need to get her to school at 4 a.m. (not happy about this, btw), but it also means I'll have the day to write (after going back to bed for at least 2 hours upon returning home...maybe even 3). I'm really trying to lock up the end of the story before Thanksgiving break starts next Friday. I'd like to be free to read a few books and write some short stories while I'm visiting my folks. Just gotta keep plugging along.

In other non-NaNo related news, I recently got in touch with a few established writers (won't mention names, but they are both New York Times bestselling authors) via email. Funnily enough, my deployed husband is the one who drummed up the contacts for me. They visited his base overseas and he just happened to be in the DFAC (dining facility, for you non-military folks) when they came in to eat lunch. They sat at his table and talked about writing, publishing, and my twisty-turny writing career. At the end of the conversation, they both gave my husband their contact information and told him to tell me to get in touch. I jumped at the chance! Not sure what will come of this, but I'm happy to learn whatever I can from successful writers willing to offer advice.

This week, I'm reading Tell the Wolves I'm Home. It's great so far (I'm 74% in--can you tell I'm reading it on the kindle?): the characters, the threading of backstory into the present action, the dynamics of the main character's family. This is the second novel I've read in the last year that starts with the immediate death of a character that I end up wishing was alive throughout the rest of the book. I should finish it tomorrow and then I can finally start Allegiant. I read Divergent and Insurgent over the summer (yes, I'm a sucker for a good YA novel) and they were entertaining. Not earth-shatteringly good, but enjoyable enough that I sped through each book in about a day and a half. I haven't read any spoilers per se, but I do know many people aren't over the moon about the last book in this series. Guess I'll see how it goes.

I haven't done a list in awhile. How disappointing. I'll have to fix that with the next post. Right now, I can barely keep my eyes open...

Best Laid Plans of Mice and (Wo)men

Haven't had a list in awhile, so here we go. What's new in the life of Tess since the last post? So glad you asked!

1. My trip for the beginning of November was canceled, which really sucks. I was going to see my husband, who was coming back to the states for a series of meetings, but thanks to the shutdown, his unit isn't able to bring the same amount of people to that conference. So, that's a nonrefundable plane ticket down the tubes. Urgh. I could've lived without this news. I haven't seen my guy since May. Ho hum.
2. Silver lining to the abovementioned crap cloud: one of my favorite bands is coming to Charlotte on 6th November. It coincided with my trip before, but now it seems my schedule is suddenly wiiiiiide open. Haven't quite made up my mind about going.
3. I finished another short story, which is great. I've been pretty productive lately. Hopefully, I didn't just jinx it...
4. No positive word on agents (yet, right?). Another bummer, but I have quite a few I still haven't heard from.
5. NaNoPrep is going swimmingly. At least! I can't wait for November to start. Kiddo will be away that weekend for a Model UN trip (the team leaves super early on the 1st), so I should really get a great head start to the challenge.
6. I got The Wolves of Midwinter! I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with Anne Rice. Her tendency towards verbosity and over the top description sometimes gives me a rage headache, but the woman can spin a yarn. And werewolves?! Yes, thank you. But first I have to finish The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P.

See how exciting my life is? Yep, that's how I keep you coming back for more. What are my weekend plans, you ask? Well, kiddo has a drill meet all day tomorrow, so I should get a ton of work done. Unfortunately, I also have to get her to the school at 5 a.m. and we live about 20 minutes away. Curses. She'd better remember these sacrifices later when I need top notch nursing home care...

A List for this Fine Fall Friday (alliteration,10pts)

It's way past time for another list, wouldn't you agree? This one is about plans/goals for the upcoming (hopefully productive) weekend:

1. With kiddo away at camp until Sunday afternoon, I'm going to get all submissions out to agents. If they only work via snail mail, I'll have them prepped for Monday (already bought the extra stamps for SASEs)
2. Decorate for Halloween. Yes, I really do this. I have two large Rubbermaid containers bursting with fall decorations. I go all out, people. This means I need to completely clean the house so I can pack away our regular decor (not to be seen again until the new year when I put away the Christmas crap) and put the fun stuff out. I love the holiday season, which starts for us on 1st October and ends on 6th January. Yeah, we're that family. Normally, I have the decorations out on the 1st, but I wanted to finish my edit.
3. Wash the dog before the weather gets too cold. Hard to wash a 150 pound animal indoors. Suffice to say, she doesn't get washed in the winter. Although, we're going to Florida this winter break, so she will get bathed down there. Hooray!
4. Start some notes/outlines for my NaNoWriMo story and get in some serious NaNoprep.
5. Clean bathrooms. Should be fun.
6. Perhaps go on a bike ride. By 'bike', I mean 'motorcycle'. Yes, I ride...when I remember. My husband and I go all the time, but he is currently out of country, so there you have it.
7. Start and finish Dr. Sleep. With all the crazy editing, reading for pleasure has fallen by the wayside (though I did read about 40 books over the summer...). I will rectify that this weekend. Without the kiddo around, I won't watch much TV...until Lockup comes on in the evening. Love that damned show.
8. Print the new month's coupons. Another thing that fell by the wayside. I'm 4 days late. Damned edits.
9. Eat bacon and eggs for dinner. A rare delicacy, as kiddo hates breakfast for dinner. Sometimes I wonder if we're actually related to one another. She also dislikes cake. Suspicious. I've already reported her to the NSA.

To Be or Not to Be...a Recluse

Whelp, new week, new post. I spent my weekend working on my super fun edit. I even worked on Saturday, people (gasp!). Or, should I say, person, since I only know of 1 confirmed reader of this enchanting blog. I find it hard to work all weekend, since the husband is deployed and it's just me and the kiddo (and my ginormo dog). She's in school from 7:30 a.m. until sports end at around 6, so I get hours to work every weekday and feel I should use Saturday for quality time (you know, creating toasty memories that will last a lifetime). I work every Sunday morning at Starbucks from about 8 to 12 and the kiddo comes with me and just does her homework. After that, she goes to model UN practice from 2 to 4, which gives me a little more time to write. So, that works out. This last Saturday, she had a school activity which meant a little under four hours of editing work for me at nearby bookstore. Friday was a banner editing day too, as I worked all day, then the kiddo went out to a movie with friends that evening, so I parked it at Panera and edited until she was finished.

This weekend should be productive too, as the kiddo's taking off to a weekend camp. I won't miss her quite as much if I dive headlong into work and stay busy until she gets back. The edit should be finished tomorrow (6 pages left; 354 pages and 104k words!), then a quick read through, and prep time for the dreaded synopsis and query letter (ugh)--at least those are already written; they just need polishing. I should be submitting to agents by the end of the week, which rocks. Crossing fingers that this truly will be the last time. After that, I'll go back to the novel in progress, which is hovering around 30k. It has an outline and most of the plot line figured out, so bonus. Not sure if I can finish it before NaNoWriMo starts, but I can try.

Speaking of NaNoWriMo, I need to get busy figuring out just what the hell I'm going to write about. I'm never at a loss for crazy ideas, but what could work for me in a month? I have a long range project I've been outlining and researching for over a year, but I don't think that's the best one to start. It will be a lot longer than 50k words. I think it's best to go with a fresh idea.

In other NaNoWriMo related news, I'm wondering if I should attend the 'pre-noveling adventure' this Sunday. Kiddo still won't be back, so I could go. I'll have to think on that. As a rule, I'm most comfortable writing from the comfort of my writer's cave (working hard on my status as recluse), but connecting with other writers on twitter has been cool. Imagine doing it in real life! The horror!