The Danger of Just Being Female

The #yesallwomen hashtag has me thinking, which is exactly the point. I'm part of the fortunate minority of women who have never been the victim of sexual assault, but I certainly fear it every day (whenever I'm walking alone at night or in a darkened parking garage or anywhere quiet where I could be cornered and overpowered or even when I let a repairman into my house to fix something when I'm alone). And because I have a young daughter, I fear the possibility of someone attacking her every second of every day. That may sound dramatic or ridiculous, but it's true. I fear it every day, an almost physical pain that seizes me every time she leaves the house. Because it could be anyone. A coach. A teacher. A friend's parent, uncle, grandparent. And, sadly, even a family member. I protect myself by being hyper-vigilant (walking with keys sticking out between my fingers so I can aim for the eyes or throat if attacked, locking the car door the instant I get inside, avoiding men if I'm walking alone, identifying escape routes if confronted suddenly, etc.) but protecting my daughter is tricky. When she was very little, I simply didn't let her out of my sight. Easy peazy. But once school aged, what then? How does a mother educate a daughter to protect herself without tacitly placing the responsibility for future attacks on her and not her male attacker? I don't know that there's a way to do that, not really, not with society informing her that if she gets drunk at a party or shows up wearing a short enough skirt, she's fair game. Not with the 'bros before hos' mentality we have going in conjunction with slut-shaming and prude-bashing. It's a no-win situation, so I teach my daughter how to protect herself at parties, at school, and in life in general though it leaves a nasty taste in my mouth.

And when I say I was never sexually assaulted, that doesn't mean I wasn't almost assaulted. Here's just one example: in high school, I had a cross country coach who started getting a little too handsy with a few girls on the team, me included. I went to my mother and, together with 1 other girl (her parents didn't show up and most of the other girls didn't want to speak out, one even went so far as to try to shame us into not talking, 'what about his family', 'he's not really hurting us', and other such bullshit), we went to talk to the vice principal, who was friends with the coach, it turned out. We told the VP that the coach would continue to hug and touch the girls after we asked him to stop. The VP's response? 'Oh, I hug students all the time.' My mom's response? 'You hug students even after they ask you to stop?' Well, of course he didn't do that, but he still didn't see the issue. My mom wasn't having it and she demanded the VP take action. His idea of action? To tell the girls we couldn't run in just sports bras and shorts anymore, as that was drawing the unwanted attention (not from the other teenage boys on the team, mind you, but from a coach in his 40s). Because it was clearly our fault that some perv coach was putting his hands on us. Well, we made a big enough stink that the coach was forced to leave the team, although he was still good to coach girls basketball in the winter despite those girls making similar accusations. Cut to a few years later, this guy was fired and convicted for raping a handicapped student. Class act. I wonder, was that girl wearing a sports bra when it happened? What exactly did she do to bring on that 'unwanted attention'? This is just one example of the kind of shit that happens every day...and that's in a country where women are treated 'equally'. And I'm supposed to let my kid go to college one day when I barely feel safe walking the streets myself?

This is a Job.

Well, so I'm finally blogging after almost a month and it's mostly just to bitch and complain, but it's my blog and I can cry if I want to.

Have you ever noticed that when you tell someone you're a writer, they either ask (with an amused titter), 'Oh, well, do you have a real job?' or get super excited because all the 'free time' you have during the day could be used to help them out with stuff (i.e. crap they don't want to do but figure you can do since you spend your days thinking and eating bonbons whilst reclining in front of the TV). Yes, it is nice to have a flexible schedule--I can take a break to go to doctor and dental appointments, school functions, or tend to the responsibilities that fall into my lap as a military spouse--but that doesn't mean I don't actually work. I take writing very seriously. On a regular day, I sit down at the desk at 7 in the morning (after running 6 miles, mind you, so there, motherfuckers who think writers are inherently lazy) and don't leave it again until at least 5, depending on when I need to pick Kiddo up from school. I eat 2 out of 3 meals at my desk; I sit there even when I'd rather be doing anything else in the world, including laundry. On the weekend, I do all the shitty domestic things I put off all week so I can focus on writing. Do I get paid? Not yet. But does a stay at home mother get paid (hey, I'm one of those too!)? Nope, and that's a legit job too, and a damned hard one. But for some reason, if I can't show folks a book with my name on it on the shelf at Barnes and Noble or a current paycheck, I should explain why I'm wasting my time. Of course, people don't actually say this outright, but that doesn't mean the sentiment doesn't come across. Because it does. Loud and clear.

There's also an attitude of, 'Hey, if you aren't published by now, why keep trying?' Uh, because quitters never win and winners never quit, or whatever. Didn't you learn that as a child? Weren't you on a sports team of some sort? Didn't you ever see an inspirational movie about a group of underdogs finally succeeding after lots of hard work and good old fashioned determination? Come on! My parents didn't raise no giver-uppers. And how many of my friends and family are working in jobs they despise? Jobs they wish they could quit so they could pursue things they actually like and care about? That's what I get to do every day! I love writing. I think about it all the time and even when it annoys the fuck out of me, I couldn't imagine giving it up. One day, I will get paid for it. Maybe this year. Maybe five years from now. But it will happen. I don't need to make a million dollars (not turning it down, though, so, you know...), but it would be nice to make a legitimate living at it. The people that matter to me believe in this stubborn dream of mine right along with me, but why do so many others discount endeavors that don't immediately produce hard cash? Is that what's important, ultimately? I think not. All this is just a long way of saying, look, I don't rain on your parade, so don't rain on mine. Not my fault I actually enjoy my parade...

Hey, Remember Me?

So, I've been terrible about blog posts lately, but I have been busy (sort of, not really, well, let's agree to disagree on that). In the last few weeks, my husband returned from deployment, I redecorated my house, finished a WIP, and bought a new motorcycle. Not to mention my guy's new job means a lot of ongoing responsibilities for me (busy military wives, holla!). Lots of fun new things. Also, my husband decided we'd go all Virgina Woolf, create a publishing company, and try to self-publish one of my older novels that I'm in the middle of editing. He has a business degree and seems quite excited by the prospect of advertising the book and doing all the necessary stuff that his hermit, writer wife doesn't want to touch with a ten foot pole. I don't even like talking to strangers on the phone (or in person). I should probably see someone about it, but that would mean calling a stranger and then going to meet with said stranger. Yeah, not happening. But the husband's plan should be interesting. I'm still sending out queries for my other projects, but it'll be cool to see what might happen going the self-publishing route. Not sure what I did to end up with such a supportive guy. He might even believe in my writing more than I do.

Speaking of queries, I have a full manuscript out with an agent right now, so let's see where that goes. I always plan for the worst, so after I fix this current project so my husband can do his magic, I'll edit my NaNoWriMo novel and get it ready for submission sometime before or during the summer. After that, the novel I finished last month. After that, the novel I went through whilst here in FLA on spring break that needs a serious rewrite. I hate querying (maybe even more than I hate calling strangers and I REALLY hate that), but the shit has to be done.

And guess what? My house actually looks like adult people live in it. I successfully (and expensively) decorated it to surprise the hubs and he loved it (of course, he didn't see any of the bills, but...). Now I want to redo every single room and get rid of any piece of furniture not purchased in the last three months. I believe I'll have to slow my roll on that, but in the next few months/years, we'll have all new stuff. Now that I know a few things about decorating (emphasis on 'a few'), I hate all the old stuff. Daily, I'm like, 'who picked out this horrid crap?' and then I remember that I did. Damn it.

In the next week, I need to send out a few of my short stories to lit magazines. I've polished them several times (see how sparkly they are?), so now I just need to bite the bullet. They're so pretty though. It's like sending a child out alone into the wild--she might make it to her very important destination but, more than likely, she'll get beaten to a pulp. But you'll never know if you don't send her out there. I did write another story a week or so ago that took an interesting (and dark, of course, because it's me) turn. It's pretty bad when you feel sorry for a character you made up and dragged through hell. Still, I left the awful stuff in there. I'm glad I started writing shorts again. I forgot how much fun it was (I'm finished way before I start wondering why I started the piece in the first place). It feels kind of like cheating. Just a jump in, then a jump out. Easy peazy. And I can edit them a bajillion times without it taking hours. But now I need to stop editing and actually send them out. That's the hard part. They always seem like they need more work. Could post one on here for feedback. Hmm...

I Said, This Shit is Bananas.

So, this house stuff is getting out of control. That may be an understatement. I think it's well and truly out of control as we speak (type). Remember that switch I mentioned? Well, it's been flipped and locked into place. I can't go to a store without thoroughly casing the joint for housewares...and, in fact, I mostly go to stores for that specific reason. The husband is due to return sometime this weekend, so I have to get it together before then. But the list of stuff I need/want/must have/can't live without only gets larger with each new purchase. Talk about knocking open Pandora's Box (and the box goes really well with the theme in the living room, btw). The house looks great, but I'll need to freeze my credit cards in a block of ice if this goes any further...then throw that block of ice in a river.

On the writing front, things are going swimmingly (writingly? Why isn't that a word?). I hit over 4k words on the WIP for the second day in a row, nudging me close to 119k overall. I'd hoped to keep it below 100,000 words, but I think we all knew that was never going to happen. I just might finish it by the end of next week (well, this depends on when exactly the husband gets home--should be this weekend for good!--and if he'll hang around the house before reporting to his new unit, which will cut into writing time). I hope to keep it around 130k and then shave away at least 20,000 words in the first edit. Unfortunately, I still don't know how it's going to end, but I've already had one surprise from my male lead. Turns out, he's not a bad guy after all. Who knew? Not me, that's for sure, even though I made him up. These damned characters just do whatever the hell they want whenever they hell they want.

Oh! Also, an agent is currently reading the novel I shopped around at the beginning of the month. So, yay. Let's hope something good comes of that. My fingers hurt from staying crossed so much. I haven't heard from all the agents I queried yet, so maybe I'll get more good news. Won't hold my breath though...mostly because it wouldn't help if I did.

What's next after I finish the current WIP, you ask? Well, I'm going to spend two weeks writing short stories. Last time, I did about 6 in the 2 week break after a major edit. I'd like to do the same this time, that way I'll have more material to send out to literary magazines. So far I've sent out zero stories. Yeah. I should get on that...

I Don't Have Writer's Block...I Have Living Block

My husband brought up an interesting point when he came home from deployment the other week: our house looks like we just moved into it earlier today. No discernible theme or attempt at decoration. It's clean and we have the necessary furniture for sitting and such as well as a picture or two, but that's about it. This honestly never occurred to me, but once it did, I found it impossible to stop thinking about it. I've been to houses that look like something you might see on HGTV after the extreme makeover. And I like HGTV, but I never really considered doing anything to my own house. Not sure why, but my husband's comment was enough to get me thinking. And, in a perfectly timed twist of fate, he had to go back to Louisiana for a few weeks before coming home for good, so I'll have the time to do a little bit of decorating to surprise him. Too bad I didn't think of this earlier, since he was gone for a year and I probably could have done quite a bit in that time. Oh well--hindsight, that filthy bitch.

So, how did I get myself into this strange, thoughtless predicament--I who spend all day effectively thinking? Well, for me, writing is a bit like falling into the rabbit hole. It's strange in there, fully furnished and pulsing with life, and once I get in it's hard to get out, mostly because I don't want to. On the other hand, my house is a sparsely furnished, borderline barren wasteland because I spend so much time curled up in my own private Wonderland. After a long day of writing, plotting, researching, or editing (or a hearty mix of all four), I'm rarely good for much more than throwing dinner together, mostly because the law says I have to provide sustenance for my child. Having an obsessive personality doesn't help, as when I do something I consider important, I often can't do anything else. Occasionally, I'll find something whilst out shopping that would look cute in the house, but I have nothing else to work with, so I abandon the item and go find the shoes, jackets, or cardigans (I have several of these, and by 'several', I mean at least 20). Well, there's my excuse, like it or lump it. But I'm not letting myself off so easily in future. I have my newly acquired stash of magazines (I'm not kidding when I say I know zero about this interior design stuff), a notebook full of ideas I stuck in there with a glue stick (I do love glue sticks), and measurements scribbled in a journal I can carry with me while I shop for things. This weekend I'm stepping it to IKEA for more ideas. Now that I've started, full-scale obsession mode has engaged, so shit's about to get real. I'll decorate this damned house...or die in the attempt (I also have a flare for hyperbole, fyi). Step one: slipcovers for my tired old couches...

Brief Interlude: Summing Up the Last Few Weeks

So, it's been awhile since I last posted. My life is such a whirlwind of fun, excitement, and intrigue that I just haven't found the time to write! Yeah, no. Mostly, I'm just too damned tired at the end of the day and would rather sleep an extra half hour. So, like I said, a whirlwind of excitement, nonstop and action-packed. Shall we do a list to cover everything? Yes? Well, I agree.

1. Most important development: my husband has returned from the land of sand and sun. He touched down on US soil yesterday and I hope to have him home again finally after about 14 months apart. We are now exiting deployment mode. Nobody said life as a military spouse was easy.
2. Work on the WIP is going quite well. It's sitting at about 88k words as of close of laptop this afternoon. I realized that this one is going to be much longer than I originally planned. My novels are usually ginormous, but I've been consciously trying for more compact stories (compact for me would be around 90 to 100k). My NaNo story is about 93k and it might stay close to that after edits. I was hoping for something similar here, but I doubt that's going to happen. I'll shoot for no more than 120k and hope for the best. I can always slash words later.
3. I completed and proofed both synopsis and query letter for the latest novel, which means I'm ready to shoot out another round of submissions. I HATE THIS PROCESS. Cannot stress that enough, but it's necessary. Step one on the road to getting published. Goddamn, is it a long, lonely road (burn of the week: I'm currently reading The Kite Runner and the main character writes his first novel, gets an agent immediately, and then gets a publishing contract a month later; for a moment, I was insanely jealous of a fictional character).
4. I proofed a few of the shorties I wrote several weeks ago as well. After I submit to agents, I'll shoot these stories off to some literary magazines. Should be fun to get a different sort of rejection letter, huh? I've also had a crap ton of ideas for future short stories. Can't wait to get on some of those.
5. I'm about to finish The Kite Runner (which is amazing, btw) and afterwards, I plan to start Boneshaker by Cherie Priest. It's supposed to be a groundbreaking series so far as steampunk goes. We'll see.

Remember all that stuff I said about my life being interesting? Yeah, well, I lied. I read, write, eat, sleep, and run. That's about all I've got. And speaking of reading...

Why's the Title the Hardest Part?

You know what sucks? Titles. No matter what, the title I pick for a novel once I complete it never seems to work. I read other books with titles that seem perfect and wonder why it has to be so difficult for me to chose one. When I first started writing seriously (middle school, as you'll recall, or not...very few people read this blog, so...), I used to decide on a title right away and then attempt to craft a story to go along with it. This didn't seem to work very well, so I decided to flip the process, which would work fine if only I could figure out a decent title once I've gathered together 100,000 or so words. I don't have this problem with short stories. The titles come somewhat easily after I finish writing them, but naming a novel length project is like pulling an impacted wisdom tooth sans a local anesthetic. Not pleasant. Either the title that seems right is too damned long or it just feels forced. I can never come up with one of those catchy single word titles that seem to be super popular amongst every third writer nowadays. If I can't keep my novel south of 100k, there's no way in hell I can come up with a one word title to describe it. I just can't help but think that this shouldn't be so difficult. I just finished writing thousands of words. I of all people should be able to come up with a snappy, appropriate, awesome sounding title to describe the work I've just done. But damned if I can. I mean, I do. I have to. It's hard to write a query letter when your novel is title-less. But I rarely like the titles I choose. They have to grow on me, and that's a slow process. I do occasionally come up with a name easy-peasy, but the last time that happened, I did a quick scan of Amazon to see if another novel came up with that same moniker and there were two. Yes, not one, but TWO. Balls. So I high-stepped it back to the drawing board, eventually coming up with a name that isn't perfect but will do in a pinch.

Good news: the current WIP (hovering at an oh-so-lovely 61k) might not suffer from the same fate as every other novel length project I've ever written. I think I might already know the name. Shit. Probably just jinxed it.

Lasting Lessons From NaNoWriMo

From the time I decided to treat this writing thing like a job, not a hobby, I've been sitting my ass in a chair for sprawling hours at a time and forcing my fingers onto the keyboard with decent results. I quickly got into a groove of sorts: editing whatever I wrote the day before and then starting on new material, usually working from a detailed outline. Thanks to this process, I've found that writer's block is mostly a prettied up way of saying 'plain old loss of focus'--the cure is keeping that ass in that seat. But what about quality of work, not just quantity? I used to worry a great deal about this because I got into the habit of forcing myself through tougher scenes to get to ones I was actually excited about or had plans for. Whatever, right? I was getting words on the page and was mostly happy with the results. But, honestly, I didn't feel satisfied with my groove until NaNoWriMo. That's when I gave my inner editor a swift kick in the balls and wrote so furiously, I didn't have time to contemplate the the how and why. I thought it would be a serious train wreck--think fiery, lots of casualties, only Bruce Willis survives--but I wrote on. Turns out, less of a tragedy, more of an eye opener. Something just clicked for me. I was having 5 to 6k days on the regular (yes, I said 'on the regular', ha!) and chugging through my outline like I was connecting dots with one of those fat toddler crayons. NaNo flipped a switch I didn't know I had. I can honestly say it changed the way I write. I briefly considered never editing a thing as I moved through a WIP and just saving it all for the end, but I'm a little too anal retentive for that. Also, that daily review session helps me to get back into whatever project I'm working on, so that has to stay (inner editor: 1; me: 0). This isn't to say I'm looking to finish a novel a month from now on. That's crazy talk. But 2 novels a year? 3? That's entirely doable. Plus some short stories and all the editing that comes along with the act of writing. And being the anal retentive writer that I am, I keep track of all my daily progress on a desk calendar that I plan to keep forever.

What am I working on now, you ask? Well, a novel that mixes vampires and ghosts that has been sitting at 35k words for a few years. I had a general idea of what I wanted to do, but no clue as to what the story would really be about and where it needed to go. But a nice long brainstorming session, a few pages of handwritten notes, and a typed outline later, I got the direction I needed. Now I'm sitting pretty at 52,000 words with an ending about 40k words down the road. I can see it in the distance. It looks like a mirage. That's a peek into my head, ladies and gents. It's busy in there...

The Worst Day of the Year

According to the news, this is the worst day of the year. Not that I needed the media to tell me. Christmas vacation is over, kiddos go back to school, grown folks go back to work, we strip all the holiday fun out of our lives, and it's cold as fuck. I spent the day taking down holiday decorations, hustling Zoey to the vet, taking the car to the mechanic to receive a hefty estimate for future repairs ('future' meaning Wednesday), and running other crappy errands. Got some reading in too, so not a total loss, but no writing. Tomorrow's the day for that, although it's also the day Kiddo's school starts 2 hours late due to record low temperatures (low teens...why?!). Thanks to bone-chilling temperatures, I won't be running at 5. I can do mid-twenties, but teens? Uh, hell no. So, I'll have to run later when it's sunny and 25 degrees at the hottest part of the day. This morning it was 55 degrees and I ran in shorts and a tank top. Tomorrow it will be about 15 with 5 mph winds. WTF?! This makes me loathe the end of Xmas break even more. I just spent a lovely 2 weeks in 70 to 80 degree weather in the tropical wonderland that is Florida. Skirts, shorts, sandals, sunshine, happiness. Now back to reality. Bitter, cold reality.

It is exciting to get back to writing after so many weeks of lazy, nonproductive vacation. I'm still not sure what to work on first. I just know I need to get back to work. My fingers are itching to get some words on the page. Original words, so an editing project is out. Oh, the possibilities. I tried to explain the fiction writing process to Kiddo on our drive home from Florida, how magical it feels, how liberating. You can make up any-fucking-thing you want. How cool is that? She just gave me a strange look and went back to tapping away on her iPod Touch. Whatevs. I know what's cool. Making shit up. And I'll be getting back to it on the morrow.

The Last Day of the Year

I'm not one for New Year's resolutions--they're either stupid or unachievable over time (and by 'over time' I mean past January 15th) but it is beneficial to look back over the previous year, listing pros and cons, wins, failures, and draws, before starting the new one.

In 2013, I worked closely with an agent tweaking a story that didn't end up getting published, though I did learn a buttload in the process. I parted ways with that agent, though I did recently hear from her (she left the agency and wished me great luck with my writing in future). I finished one novel (my ghost story!) in the meantime and another during NaNoWriMo, which was an amazing process. I wrote a handful of short stories for submission in 2014 and, in the process, rekindled my love for writing shorties. Kiddo and I soaked the house in estrogen whilst my husband was deployed for the year (he'll be back in February! Finally!!) and had many good months of giggling, hilarity, movie reenactments, food craziness, shopping, etc. We got over a bad medical situation that befell my mother during the very last bit of 2012, so 2013 was instantly better once we shoved that behind us. I lost my little dog in April, which was awful, especially considering my husband's ongoing deployment. I traveled some, but not as much as I would have liked. I watched kiddo play her first season of varsity soccer, finish her freshmen year in high school, and start her sophomore year. I read at least 10 excellent books and many more that were very good, all the while dreaming about one day seeing my own novel on bookstore shelves. I can't say I learned much about myself this year that I didn't already know (I do spend hours each day locked inside my own head, so...) but I have noticed that with age comes increased comfort in my own skin. Progress, I suppose, especially for a woman. Aren't we born and socialized to hate ourselves? At least subconsciously? Anyway, fuck that. My skin is most comfortable and the inside of my head is a sanctuary unmatched by any place outside it. Oh, and let's not forget that, as this year comes to a close, an agent is actively considering the novel I sent queries out for in October. As good a way to end the year as any. I'd rather have a freshly signed publishing contract (or, better, a copy of my book sitting right in front of me), but I'll take what I can get.

As for the new year, I refuse to make resolutions. But I do hope for health and happiness for those I care about. I'd love to be published by this time next year, but that isn't really resolution material. I know what I need to do to give myself the best chance. So I'll do it. That's a promise, not a resolution. Bring it, 2014.

I Need a Butterbeer

December has been a lazy month for blog posts, but busy for everything else. Lots of Christmas shopping, baking, running guests places, and editing (which I finished!). Yesterday, we went to Islands of Adventure and drank many a butterbeer in 85 degree weather. Today, shopping, lunch, and grocery shopping (and the last Walmart run before Xmas...hopefully). Nothing beats a Florida December: high 70's to early 80's. Just a few more days until Christmas and another week until 2014. Hard to believe. I'd hoped to review some short stories last week, but running our house guest (he'll be there for the next four months, so more like tenant, less like house guest) around every afternoon cut into my work time, turning an edit I thought would take a week and a half into one that took nearly three. Then came cleaning the house, making cookies, and packing for a two week holiday at the folks' house.

Walking around the Harry Potter area of Universal yesterday got me thinking. How amazing must it be (and, no, not just monetarily, though that's freaking awesome as well) to not only see your books made into great movies, but to walk around an entire park that brings life to the characters and places you tugged out of the ether? An author can only dream, I suppose, and as long as we do, such things are possible. I just want to get published, so it's hard to even consider what might come after, but I let myself dream a little while I sipped my butterbeer on the way to Hogwarts castle. I don't need to make a billion dollars off my writing, but wouldn't a movie be grand?! In the meantime, I need to find a decent recipe for butterbeer and pumpkin juice...

The Importance of Being Snarky

I've been neck deep in an edit since the Tuesday before last. It's like falling into a well that you somehow keep making deeper. I have a love/hate relationship with editing--I hate it when it's going on and love it when it's over, HEY-O! Just joshing. I do like the process. It's just a bit tedious at times, especially when you're getting into the realm of 3rd and 4th edits. And with a guest in the house since Sunday, I've been out to lunch in the middle of every day which leads to sleepy editing in the late afternoon since I'm used to eating light when I work. Not fun. So, suffice to say, I haven't been as productive as I'd hoped. Still, I should finish the read through (which I started today after completing the final edit yesterday) by early next week at the latest. Then it's time to motor to Florida for the holidays. After that, just a few weeks until my husband comes back from overseas.

Does anyone actually follow writing advice that people post on Twitter? I always wonder, because some of the advice either seems a bit in your face or completely self-evident. Honestly, it ignites my inner smartass, which is always itching to come out swinging. Life outside my house is little more than a perpetual editing process that turns the snarkiness in my head into comments that are appropriate to use around others. So, there have been quite a few times that I've typed a reply to a 'helpful' writing tweet, only to erase it immediately. I find it's usually best to just keep my fucking mouth shut unless someone has directed a comment or question to me directly. Even then, an edited response is usually in order. To maintain my sanity, I mostly just giggle at the no shit, Sherlock variety of writing advice. Grammar is good stuff, reminders that editing is necessary, suggesting you not threaten an agent via query letter (wait to do this face-to-face)--yeah, no need to tweet about that. Now, tweeted advice from agents or legit established writers is another story, but a lot of it can still be taken with a grain of salt. Anyway, here's my advice...

So Lazy I Forgot to Blog

Things are about to change in the Adams household. As you know, it's just been me and the kiddo since my husband deployed. As soon as he left, we quickly got into our own groove, which is pretty damned strange if you stop to think about it--lots of playful screaming, laughing, loud music, and maniacal repetition of TV and movie quotes. My husband would hate it. Well, now we're going to put up a family friend for a few months while he goes through triple C (captain's career course for you non-military folks). He gets here tomorrow. I feel sorry for him. This house is awash in estrogen. Even the dog is a girl. But it will force us to get back to more normal ways of living (we'll never be completely normal, but who would want that anyway?) before the hubs gets home. That will save him a lot of eye rolling. But it also means I've had to rearrange the spare room and clean the house. Not my idea of weekend fun, but then I'd almost always rather be reading or writing.

Over the last week, I've been editing the story I finished in the fall. I figured it didn't make much sense to jump into another project with Christmas looming and primed to fall in an explosion of green and red. Once I return home from my parents' house after the holidays, I'll get going on a new novel. In the meantime, why not prepare this puppy for submission in case the agent who's reading the full MS I just shopped around doesn't  bite. I think I have a few other agents I need to hear from, but it never hurts to get the next submission ready. That means the dreaded query AND the dreaded synopsis. Double ugh.

Speaking of the holidays, I'm right on track with everything and nearly finished shopping! I sent my husband's stuff out Friday and only have a few more things to buy. Christmas cards are done, the house is fully decorated, and Kiddo and I had our fun Xmas photo shoot (with costumes!). Next week, I'll get to start making cookies. And then I'll get to start eating them. That's the best part of every holiday for me: the eating. And Chex mix. That rocks too. I only make it once a year.

And Stephen King's on Twitter. Like, whoa.

The Bearded Man Cometh

Today is the final day of both November and NaNoWriMo. I'm heading home tomorrow after a nice week spent in FL with my folks and have a crap ton of things to do in the coming week(s). If you sensed a list rapidly approaching on the horizon, then you were correct. Give yourself a hearty clap on the back and then buckle in for a numbered ride.

1. I won't be good for much of anything tomorrow after driving 6.5+ hours to get home, but on Monday I need to put fall decorations away so I can dress the house up in all its Christmas finery. And there's a lot of it. I love the holiday, but GODDAMN is it a ton of work. Luckily, I scoured the house before I came down here, so I'll only have to dust before putting out decorations.
2. Grocery shopping. We have no eggs, no fruit (how will I live!!), no milk (which means no coffee...again, how will I live!!), and no fresh veggies, as I either used them all before we left or brought them with me to FL.
3. Finish Christmas shopping for my husband so I can get his presents in the mail at least two and a half weeks before they need to be there. Three, if I can manage it. I ordered a bunch of stuff online during Thanksgiving and Black Friday and most of it has shipped. He never provides that great of a list, so I'm mostly winging it. Also, he has to carry all this shit back with him or send it back before he returns in February, so it doesn't make much sense to send tons of stuff. Guess that new puppy will have to wait until next year...
4. Get Christmas cards written out and sent. This will be done by the end of the week. I have the cards at home (I got about eight boxes last year at 90% off, so I'm set for a few years). I need stamps. So add a post office run to the list.
5. Shoot our Christmas card photo. I usually do a lovely picture of the kiddo, but we have a better idea for this year. I have a very nice camera I got a few Christmases ago as well as a tripod and remote, so we're going to do something fun that will surprise (and hopefully amuse) our friends and family. I may post it on this blog if it turns out the way we want. But I need to get the appropriate wardrobe items, shoot the picture, and get it printed by the weekend so I can include it in our cards.
6. Oh, right, I'm a writer, I should probably do some non-holiday stuff just to keep things consistent. I need to start editing the novel I finished in the fall, before NaNoWriMo. I'd like to have it ready for submission in the new year if I don't hear anything positive from the agent who requested the full MS and the few who are still ruminating over my last query letter. The novel needs a good final edit, and it's a productive way to spend the three weeks before I motor back down to FL to spend Christmas with my family.
7. Edit the short stories I wrote in October and submit them to literary magazines. I had a lot of fun writing these. Hopefully, I can get some printed. I may even write a few new ones.
8. Make a run to the library. I have three or four books waiting that I'd like to finish before Christmas break.
9. Take Zoey to the vet. She needs her bordetella booster and 6 months of Trifexis. Should be a fun way to spend 300 dollars. Merry Christmas, Zoey!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Given the holiday combined with the warm and fuzzy feeling I get when hanging out with family, I thought, why not do a list of things for which I'm thankful? Here we go:

1. My family. This goes without saying, but I'm saying it anyway. It always makes me happy to have the opportunity to hang out with my folks and my kiddo. Wish the husband was here too, but thanks to the wonders of technology, I've been able to chat with him a little even though he's deployed.
2. My husband. Yes, he's part of my family, but he deserves his own number for several reasons. He's overseas fighting for freedom, bacon, and the American way. And he's also my biggest fan and strongest supporter. He believes in my writing and has suffered through many drafts, disappointments, and long, one-sided conversations about plots, characters, and agent woes. I couldn't have asked for better.
3. My kiddo. Also part of my family, but she deserves her own number too. She's such a great kid (99.9% of the time, haha) that I often wonder just where in hell she came from. Then she gets snarky and I know she came right from me. Love that kiddo and can't imagine my life without her.
4. My awesome friends. We're spread out all over the country, but still hang out online just about every day and get together whenever one of us is close. Writing is a lonely business (so is moving every two years when the Army tells us we have to), so it's always nice to see friends and family.
5. Zoey. Yes, my mastiff, writing buddy, and secret keeper (she's damn good at this last one). Whenever I read whole sections of my WIP out loud, she manages to look super interested and she's quick with a hug. I spend more time with my dog than I do anyone else.
6. The fact that everyone I care about is still here to celebrate Thanksgiving. We had a serious scare last year with my mom that we can all joke about now that it's 355 days safely behind us, but we weren't laughing last year. It really made me appreciate all the moments I spend with the people in my life who mean so much. You never know when your last moments together will be.

 On that slightly morbid note, I'll wish you all a very happy Thanksgiving with family and friends. Enjoy that turkey and pumpkin pie!

To NaNo or Not to NaNo...Haters Gonna Hate

Seems to be a lot of negativity out there about NaNoWriMo, mostly from people not doing it. Lots of folks have a lot to say about how counter it is to the 'artistic process' or how it propagates focusing on 'incorrect' goals--i.e. quantity over quality, word count over plot formation and characterization, the discouragement of brainstorming and research during the writing process. I agree that participants shouldn't beat themselves black and blue over not reaching the magical 50 thousand word goal. It's a random number and some just won't make it, which is perfectly fine. I took part this year for the first time simply to shake up the way I normally write. I had just finished a project and thought, why not? I spent October doing my research and brainstorming and was ready to go come 1st November, or at least as ready as I was going to be. The words came better than I'd expected, but I'm also used to sitting in my home office anywhere between six to nine hours a day and working on various projects. For me, NaNoWriMo was a way to challenge myself to a higher level of productivity. And I wanted to see if I could get from concept to completion in a month.

As for the naysayers, I get the distinct impression that some simply want to rain on the parade of those enjoying their NaNo experience (and, honestly, there will always be fuckers who just want to ruin good things for other people), but others seem worried that participants are taking things to an unhealthy extreme. I agree. Some are. If you don't make it to 50k, just be happy you got something out of the experience. Writing anything is a win. Period. If the challenge shook you up and got you excited to write something every day, all the better. Quantity is the first step on the road to quality. And we all work at different paces and in different ways. The important thing is to work. Lots of writers are forcing their asses into chairs and fingers onto keyboards every day for the first time ever. That's a beautiful thing. And just what the hell is 'the creative process' anyway? Isn't it different for everyone? For me, it mostly involves keeping my ass upstairs in the office where it belongs so I can write, even if I don't feel like it. Some days, I have to hold a knife to my throat just to keep going (and it's no easy feat typing with just the one hand). If NaNoWriMo helps get you into that productive groove, then more power to you. If it's not your bag, that's cool too, just don't devalue it for those getting what they want out of the process. There is no single 'right' way to complete a novel. Your way isn't the Correct way, fyi (note the capital C); it's simply the correct way for you (now note that little c). No reason to preach at those whose writing process allows for an experience like NaNoWriMo. Just keep on keeping on in your own way and let others do the same.

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig

Things have happened over the last few days. Interesting things? Debatable, but we're doing a list anyway, so check it:

1. I'm visiting my folks for the week of Thanksgiving. It's always strange to come home as an adult, hanging out in the house in which you were once a child (or teen, in my case; we did some wicked traveling while I was growing up--military brats, holla!), and seeing all the changes in town since the last time I visited. It is nice to be in Florida. So warm; like fall doesn't even exist. I'm rocking skirts again, which I haven't done in several weeks. We'll be here for Christmas too, since the hubs is deployed, so more toasty winter weather. Running should be fun on Monday morning. Bye bye 30 degree temperatures...until we meet again...
2. I finished my novel for NaNoWriMo on the 20th, wrapping up at about 93k. I was able to push through the troublesome denouement by simply letting it come to the tips of my fingers as I chugged along. I have some serious edits to do, of course, but I'm twelve shades of pleased to have written 93 thousand words in twenty days. I love the story I ended up with too; I just need to polish it until it shines like crazy.
3. Remember those query letters I sent out a few months ago? Well, I've received a torrent of rejections (comes with the territory, yes?), but that was to be expected. Not everyone recognizes genius when they see it. Ha! Anyway, to make the 20th even better than it already was (finishing a novel always makes me giddy), I got a response from an agent wanting to read my full manuscript after checking out the first 15 pages. I did a happy dance, then sent that shit. The agent emailed the next day and my stomach dropped. I thought, gee, that was a lightning fast rejection, but she was just letting me know she'd received my materials. Phew. I live to write another day.
4. Today was Kiddo's birthday, so we did all the stuff she wanted to do: sunrise walk on the beach (actually, just my dad did this with her while my mom and I slept--I was wiped from the day before: early morning, driving until 10:30, and staying up until 1:30 decorating with streamers and signs for her bday)(not to mention I drove her to school for a drill meet last Saturday at 3:30 a.m., so, I wanted to sleep in), shopping, lunch, ice cream, hitting thrift stores, naps (these are the best!), and dinner at our fav. Mexican restaurant where the birthday girl/boy eats free. It was a very good day and fun to celebrate my kiddo, though I was the one who did all the work oh those many years ago. I guess I have Mother's Day, but labor was really painful. I demand another day.
5. Started The Shining Girls by Lauren Beukes today. From about page two, I was hooked. Can't wait to see if this feeling lasts throughout the life of the book. I hope so.

The Dreaded Denouement

The second full week of NaNoWriMo went quite well. Here are the stats:

• Total words written (11th to 17th November): 24,382
• Started Monday morning with 50,757 and ended Sunday afternoon with 75,139
• Averaged 3.4k words a day

So, I'm obviously not going to finish at 75k as I'd hoped, since I got past 80k today, but I am venturing into the final scenes, including the dreaded denouement. I'm still not 100% sure how my MC is going to get out of the trouble she's wandered into. Wandered, hell. She ran into that trouble at a full sprint. A girl after my own heart (if that heart hadn't just gorged on white chocolate M&Ms...this is why I run, people; my love of candy gives me no damned choice). Anyway, I do have the ending, so I can just work from both ends and figure out the middle as I go along. I need to brainstorm, but I was so sure I wouldn't get my 3k in today because of some computer issues (tried to rip CDs, but the computer wasn't recognizing the drive, so I spent well over an hour fiddling with it to no avail; after finishing my work for the day, I restarted it yet again and the drive magically worked. Yes, MAGICALLY, because I don't understand how computers work past, turn on, type, hope for best). So, perhaps some good old fashioned brainstorming tomorrow if I get stuck. If not, I'm rolling forward, come what motherfucking may. I'll fix the plot holes and ridiculousness in the second and third draft (and fourth).

I finished Tell the Wolves I'm Home. Such a great read. Still mulling through it in my head. Lots of extremely tangible characters. Painfully so, almost. After a few moments to mourn the end of that story, as I always do when I get a good one, I started Allegiant. Not sure if I'm loving it quite yet, though I am only 65 pages in. The shift from Tris to Tobias is bothering me because it doesn't seem like two separate POVs but rather one masquerading as two. I don't know. I may get over it. We'll see. I hope to finish before Friday, so I don't have to lug the book down to Florida. I plan to load five books onto the kindle for the break and get through at least three whilst visiting my folks. Maybe even four since the first draft of the NaNo novel will be behind me. But what to read? Oh, the choices...

Reading, Writing, Rocking Out

Week 2 of NaNoWriMo and I'm sitting pretty at 68,322 words. I have a moderately clear idea about the very end of the novel, but the second to last act, which will contain the resolution (or denouement, for my former AP English Language/Literature peeps) is still a bit of a mystery, so we'll see how that works out as the weekend's writing rolls along. Might need another brainstorming session after reading over my outline and notes. Kiddo has a drill meet tomorrow, which means I need to get her to school at 4 a.m. (not happy about this, btw), but it also means I'll have the day to write (after going back to bed for at least 2 hours upon returning home...maybe even 3). I'm really trying to lock up the end of the story before Thanksgiving break starts next Friday. I'd like to be free to read a few books and write some short stories while I'm visiting my folks. Just gotta keep plugging along.

In other non-NaNo related news, I recently got in touch with a few established writers (won't mention names, but they are both New York Times bestselling authors) via email. Funnily enough, my deployed husband is the one who drummed up the contacts for me. They visited his base overseas and he just happened to be in the DFAC (dining facility, for you non-military folks) when they came in to eat lunch. They sat at his table and talked about writing, publishing, and my twisty-turny writing career. At the end of the conversation, they both gave my husband their contact information and told him to tell me to get in touch. I jumped at the chance! Not sure what will come of this, but I'm happy to learn whatever I can from successful writers willing to offer advice.

This week, I'm reading Tell the Wolves I'm Home. It's great so far (I'm 74% in--can you tell I'm reading it on the kindle?): the characters, the threading of backstory into the present action, the dynamics of the main character's family. This is the second novel I've read in the last year that starts with the immediate death of a character that I end up wishing was alive throughout the rest of the book. I should finish it tomorrow and then I can finally start Allegiant. I read Divergent and Insurgent over the summer (yes, I'm a sucker for a good YA novel) and they were entertaining. Not earth-shatteringly good, but enjoyable enough that I sped through each book in about a day and a half. I haven't read any spoilers per se, but I do know many people aren't over the moon about the last book in this series. Guess I'll see how it goes.

I haven't done a list in awhile. How disappointing. I'll have to fix that with the next post. Right now, I can barely keep my eyes open...

NaNoWriMo: 50k in 10 Days

Time for a NaNo update. First up: stats.

•  Total words written for the week (4th to 10 November): 23,092
• Started on Monday morning with 27,665 words and ended Sunday night with 50,757

I think it's safe to say this was a great week of writing for me. Though my folks were visiting (they left this morning), I still managed to average about 3.2k words every day simply by working from about seven in the morning until around 10, which was great because it left me free to hang out with my family for the rest of the time without feeling like I wasn't working enough. And though I briefly entertained the idea of trying to finish 50k in under a week after the overly abundant word frenzy that was the first 48 hours of NaNoWriMo, I think the situation created by having my parents here (keeping my word count down with a limited amount of work each day) was very beneficial, as it didn't allow me to race too far forward in the story, stumbling into territory before I was really ready. I'm still moving quickly, but I can see the path ahead of me and I've added so much to my outline that will give the finished product dimension (whenever I actually have a finished product; I foresee many serious edits in my future). I'm still going to move steadily from this point on. I did a little over 3k today and want to see the same for the rest of this week and most of the next. I have an updated goal: a finished first draft of about 75k before I leave for my parents' house on the 22nd (or 23rd) for Thanksgiving. That way I can let it sit through the remainder of the holidays and start editing it in the new year. I think that's doable, as it feels like I'm about three quarters of the way through the novel. Keeping it slow will help with some other matters, like researching, which I need to do a ton of tomorrow (over the last 11 days, I've kept a list of things that need some help and there are many). But I love research, so the joke's on you...er, me. Someone.

In other developments, where the hell did the 70 degree weather go? I'm looking at low 30's, high 20's for the rest of the week during my morning runs. Meh! I foresee some fast mile splits...or me frozen facedown in a ditch. One of the two.

And, hey, anyone want to jump on the writing buddy train? Here's my NaNo info just in case: http://nanowrimo.org/participants/tess-martin-adams. If you hit me up, I'll hit you back.